Relationships Part Duex

What is it with us and relationships? One minute we are with someone, and the next minute we're not. We just jump in and walk or run or swim out depending on the situational circumstances. Some of us do it because we're lonley and need attention, some because we get bored, and some because we just are never happy with what we have. All of those different yet similar complexes have one thing in common for sure. They can't seem to just settle on a permanent decision so they run around the world looking, searching, scouring for that next potential quick fix like you get from a drug or like a sugar rush you get from a bag a skittles or pixie stix. Here's the problem. We do these things and find ourselves never being fullfilled with the happiness we've been searching for. Why is this, you might be asking? Well... there are a number of reasons for this. Because deep down inside we do want something permanent but feel as if it may never come. Its a self-esteem issue. When you have been out there searching and searching for the right one and you keep finding the wrong one, then that can hurt your self-esteem and make you feel vulnerable... like a failure. If it happens too many times then you begin feeling that your not worth it and/or that the right person is not out there for you. So then you just make yourself available to anyone that can catch your interest enough to make you decide to just say the hell with the rules, the hell with your morals, just through out all the stops and go all the way with this person. Some will just choose the opposite and begin to despize the opposite sex entirely. This type of person will go to all the public places that everyone who feels young, grown and sexy (or wants to be made to feel grown and sexy), horny, or just loves partying any way they can, and they sit at the bar drinking, or in a lounge chair reading a book and ignoring everyone around them. If they approach you, you shoo them away with the cold shoulder, or maybe you make them feel small and as if they couldn't even begin to fantasize about living up to your standards. Your friends are the only one's that you will conversate within a place like that. Sometimes they are the reason you are even there. They are trying to assist you in living a better life but its hard for you to break out of your shell and you just don't feel like they get that. However, they are working hard doing the best they can to help you find the happiness your looking for. And they don't feel like YOU get that. Some will stay at home and just avoid the issue all together and stay at the computer chatting it up on facebook and updating their status about how nobody loves them. Then you will watch movies and text your bff or your boy and trash talk the opposite sex and listen to useless advice that is usually given by the one friend who has no relationship as well, is usually less attractive than you, always angry (especially at the opposite sex) and feels they know everything there is to know about sex, relationships, all sexual orientations, and men and women, and so therefore they know to themselves, for sure that its not worth it to ever even get involved in another relationship again. They will make you believe that you should have one night stands and just use the opposite sex so you get what you want and the other party gets nothing that they want. Then they just may question or critisize you when you do those things because you didn't do exactly what they thought you should've done or they just decided to change the rules on you for that specific day and situation, but they really just have no clue and refuse to admit it. They are miserable as misery loves company but doesn't want anybody to be better or happier than them. Its a sad situation. So how do we remedy this entire situation? Well... first off, you need to understand that relationships, much like marriage require two main important elements. Patience and kindness. These are the pillars that hold everything else together. This is where you will start... patience. "Good things come to those who wait", is a quote that is known, often spoken, and often heard by many people in this world. Unfortunately many people say things that make sense but they don't know what it means. This is one of those statements. We all would like to think we know a thing or two about patience. Do you know the proper formula to follow from single to married? Strangers- you've already completed this step because you don't know each other. Acquaintance- you notice each others presence, somehow you become knowledgeable of each others names and then have an intelligent conversation and are not yet friend but rather acquaintances. Next is Friends- you have chatted often and maybe even hung out a few times and find that the other is a decent person you could relate to, and call upon to go do something fun and when you need a friend more than anything else. Yes it is very possible to have friends of the opposite sex and there be nothing sexually intimate between you two. Neither one of you has too bee unacttractive or very attractive for this to work. Commited Partners- Otherwise known as Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Well... I'm sure I don't have to spell it out for you. However, in the interest making things clear, I will say this, the two of you are now in a commited relationship. That's it, committed. Sex is a luxury not a privaledge. You should be so fortunate that you have made it this far with each other. You are not yet united as one but rather you are a team as well as individuals with your own lives. Meaning they control their own lives and you control yours. Their business is their business and yours is yours. This is also a stage of which you are both more comfortable with each other and can relax. Don't get too comfortable with each other and forget to put the joint effort into making the relationship not only work but last. Think of it as a crank radio. You know, one of those radios that you have in a disaster kit that you have to crank a thousand times before it has enough power to last for a little while. That's a lot of cranking and turning.  Your muscles get tired and your ready to give up because its such hard work. But you remember that the emergency radio can make life so much better for you, and you have it because you appreciate what it has to offer, know that's what you have been looking for and its what you need. So you have to work to make it work. Now if you can maintain this behavior for at least two year's, then it is ok to start thinking about the possibilities of marriage. Engagement- You are now taking the next leap in preparation for the biggest leap you will ever take. You have the nice engagement rings, your introducing each other as your fiancée, and making wedding and honeymoon plans. It is the best time of your life, to date, so far. Your responsibilities are the same but they have enhanced and so has the importance for you to fulfill them. This is also the time to show your future life partner that you can handle being a part of this marriage, being united as one, and being responsible. You should take this time to seek marriage counseling. Preferably by your minister of whatever your religion is. This is not to be viewed as a bad thing but as an extra level of assistance with growing stronger and better understanding each other. With your counselor you should take the time to finish out the last chapter in your book of who you were and what you did before you met each other. Allow your counselor to help you explain your story to your partner so that they can understand you and you can become closer. This is necessary before your wedding day so that there are no surprises. Also keep in mind that whatever happened in the past is in the past. You want to be cautious because you can't just overlook everything but if you take your time and follow the formula then you will know enough about your partner to be able to determine whether or not its something to worry about or if its a deal breaker. Always remember people can change and everybody deserves a second chance.

The Truth B Told

                B

M&M's (Marriage and Money)

They go together like PB&J. Just like M&M's, melt in your mouth, not in your hands. Its kind of a surreal metaphor. Marriage and money, yes blend well and and can give anyone, who respects it, a life worth living. That's the "melt in your mouth" part. But to those who don't respect it... well... that's the "not in your hands" part. Those that are for having separate accounts, have the same specific reasoning for it. So I can go and spend money without having to answer for it. This is primarily because you want to feel independent. Nothing wrong with wanting to feel independent. However, that word "Independent" has a specific definition to these particular individuals in this situation. The definition is "I am a grown person that works for my paycheck and should not have to answer to anybody when I decide to buy something expensive that I want". That is perfectly understandable and they are absolutely right. However, (and understand that I am not intentionally speaking negative of anyone, nor is it my intention to single out any particular side of the house. I'm just basing facts and stating my opinion) money is one of the biggest causes for divorce these days. If we pair ourselves with the right partner, we should not have these problems. Something has changed in this society that was not so present before our time. We as a society have changed, and in some cases we have forgotten, never learned or unlearned what true love is. The two main pillars are patience and kindness. One of the top roots connected to those pillars is communication. Yes you should be able to spend your own money when you choose on whatever you choose. But when you become married, you are no longer a loner. That is why your relationship status doesn't say "SINGLE" anymore. You made a promise to yourself, GOD (whatever god you worship, and I know mine is an awesome one), and your partner that you would become one and would work together through everything, in sickness and in health, the good and the bad, forsaking all others, till death do you part. Most of us have forgotten that because we are all trying to individually get ahead before someone else uses us as a stepping stone to beat us to the top. Everybody wants to get theirs. No one wants to help anybody but themselves these days. They may be helpful by looking out for people, volunteering your time, doing spectacular things for your significant other. I'm not speaking on those actions or those specific people. Listen, my point is this... we have a divorce rating that is higher now, than it has ever been in history. Don't believe me? Well... you know how we do... Google it. The number reason for these divorces... Finances. Number two... infidelity. We as a society are ignorant when it comes to love, relationships, and marriage. Which means we need to change our way of thinking. To become one means to become one... PERIOD. "AND THE TWO SHALL UNITE AND BECOME ONE FLESH". Maybe if we change our mentality, find the right person we can mesh with (someone that doesn't mind when I spend, as long as the bills are paid), trust in each other to understand both sides and work together, then there is no reason you can't pay the bills, and purchase the things you want when you want them. Bills come first, then after your needs come your wants. That's the golden rule of finances. How about a second joint account for your rainy day money, vacation money, burn or slush money? What's the matter? scared to trust each other enough to not spend it all before you get the chance to touch it? You married the wrong person, or you have trust issues and need to see a therapist. The glory of love and marriage is the strength that builds from completing the challenges that come with it. To jump, skip, or dance around those challenges, is to say that you don't take your relationship seriously. Work together on your finances and stop taking away from you marriage. So in the end, when you respect that M&M and you put it in your mouth, let it marinate, it begins to melt. That is when you taste and then enjoy the pleasures of what it has to offer. But when your too ignorant to know what your doing, then I doubt very seriously that you would even know what to do with it once its in your hand.

The Truth B Told

"B"

Ignorance

They say ignorance is bliss. Why is that? Because not knowing better means you don’t have to feel guilty? Because you think you can do something stupid and not care about the consequences of your actions, and just blame it on “lack of information”? You do realize that another term for “lack of information” is lack of knowledge, or lack of intelligence right? Didn’t think about that one did you? Oh, I guess that’s just a lack of information on your part huh? I guess that’s what makes ignorance so bliss. It’s a sad shame when our people of today make mistakes, claim ignorance, and are proud of it. To some, it would be the same as making a mistake, and “blaming it on the alcohol”. Now that would make more sense, considering that alcohol can easily affect your judgment. However, there still is a point in which we should be taking responsibility of our actions, regardless of how big or small the mistake was, what the consequences are, or the reason we made our mistake to begin with.

Question though, what makes us do this? Who teaches this type of behavior? Movies, tv, parents, teachers at school? I believe its everywhere. Its all over the media. You see it on a constant basis on reality tv shows, which are designed to follow peoples everyday lives. We tend to do exactly that… follow. These days, it is the trendy thing to follow what someone else does, if it is accepted and followed by your peers. But are we following the statement makers or are we following the followers? Does it really matter? You see it in the movies. When someone gets arrested, whether they are guilty or not, they say they don’t know anything. Believe it or not, that is one thing from the movies that happens in reality as well.

The point is, its everywhere. However, it doesn’t help us any. We think it does because we think its useful to get out of a jam. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn’t. Even if it does, it is only short term, and doesn’t protect us in the long run. Instead it just helps us to find another sneaky solution to solve our problem, which places us at an even higher risk of severe consequences of our actions. We can actually commit a nasty crime and as long as we claim ignorance to some part of the crime or information prior to the crime, we are home free. So we actually enjoy making ourselves look and feel stupid. Does that make us smart or ignorant?

In the past we used to strive for knowledge, to be intelligent. Now we treat it like its so out of style, that we have to do something different… find a new trend. So let’s FOLLOW what everyone else does and create a new style. A style that follower’s will follow. Well we can’t just get smarter, because that would defeat the purpose of changing our style. So let’s just get stupid, because its fun to be dumb. You get to do things without thinking, so you don’t have to care about anything. And the best part of all, you get to think that the only way to have more fun is to be even more stupid, because being stupid is being smart. Again, I ask you, does that make us smart or ignorant? Here’s a hint: “If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people in the world?” -Stephen Fry

The Truth B Told,

“B”

Relationships

Women, how is it that you can complain that “good men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken, or gay”, but yet in still when you have that good man in front of you, your too blind to see it? You want to be in a good relationship with a good man, but you continue to play around with boys, allowing them to reproduce and introduce new drama into your lives. You thrive for the swag, drool over the fad, lust over the bad boy attitude. You even buy into the sweet things he says and does, to and for you, like a good man does. Then you realize he is not what you thought. Its fake! He’s fake! Next thing you know, you meet a real decent man and you don’t trust him because the same nice things he says and does, were the same nice things the last guy said and did. So you push your golden dream away, throw it in the trash, cast it away, out to sea. Fake men, also known as boys, steal from real men so they appear to be good men long enough to get what they want from you, without ever having given you anything you want. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. Problem is, so many of them, dedicate so much time to it, that they actually begin to believe it themselves, and think they really are good men. Women, you have to wake up and learn to pay attention to your mind, and not your heart… because your heart can steer you on the wrong course, following what attracts it, without any knowledge or background of what its pursuing. Just as justice is blind, Love is also blind. Hence why you should never follow your heart when it is following something your mind is too ignorant to understand.


The Truth B Told,

"B"