Relationships Part Duex

What is it with us and relationships? One minute we are with someone, and the next minute we're not. We just jump in and walk or run or swim out depending on the situational circumstances. Some of us do it because we're lonley and need attention, some because we get bored, and some because we just are never happy with what we have. All of those different yet similar complexes have one thing in common for sure. They can't seem to just settle on a permanent decision so they run around the world looking, searching, scouring for that next potential quick fix like you get from a drug or like a sugar rush you get from a bag a skittles or pixie stix. Here's the problem. We do these things and find ourselves never being fullfilled with the happiness we've been searching for. Why is this, you might be asking? Well... there are a number of reasons for this. Because deep down inside we do want something permanent but feel as if it may never come. Its a self-esteem issue. When you have been out there searching and searching for the right one and you keep finding the wrong one, then that can hurt your self-esteem and make you feel vulnerable... like a failure. If it happens too many times then you begin feeling that your not worth it and/or that the right person is not out there for you. So then you just make yourself available to anyone that can catch your interest enough to make you decide to just say the hell with the rules, the hell with your morals, just through out all the stops and go all the way with this person. Some will just choose the opposite and begin to despize the opposite sex entirely. This type of person will go to all the public places that everyone who feels young, grown and sexy (or wants to be made to feel grown and sexy), horny, or just loves partying any way they can, and they sit at the bar drinking, or in a lounge chair reading a book and ignoring everyone around them. If they approach you, you shoo them away with the cold shoulder, or maybe you make them feel small and as if they couldn't even begin to fantasize about living up to your standards. Your friends are the only one's that you will conversate within a place like that. Sometimes they are the reason you are even there. They are trying to assist you in living a better life but its hard for you to break out of your shell and you just don't feel like they get that. However, they are working hard doing the best they can to help you find the happiness your looking for. And they don't feel like YOU get that. Some will stay at home and just avoid the issue all together and stay at the computer chatting it up on facebook and updating their status about how nobody loves them. Then you will watch movies and text your bff or your boy and trash talk the opposite sex and listen to useless advice that is usually given by the one friend who has no relationship as well, is usually less attractive than you, always angry (especially at the opposite sex) and feels they know everything there is to know about sex, relationships, all sexual orientations, and men and women, and so therefore they know to themselves, for sure that its not worth it to ever even get involved in another relationship again. They will make you believe that you should have one night stands and just use the opposite sex so you get what you want and the other party gets nothing that they want. Then they just may question or critisize you when you do those things because you didn't do exactly what they thought you should've done or they just decided to change the rules on you for that specific day and situation, but they really just have no clue and refuse to admit it. They are miserable as misery loves company but doesn't want anybody to be better or happier than them. Its a sad situation. So how do we remedy this entire situation? Well... first off, you need to understand that relationships, much like marriage require two main important elements. Patience and kindness. These are the pillars that hold everything else together. This is where you will start... patience. "Good things come to those who wait", is a quote that is known, often spoken, and often heard by many people in this world. Unfortunately many people say things that make sense but they don't know what it means. This is one of those statements. We all would like to think we know a thing or two about patience. Do you know the proper formula to follow from single to married? Strangers- you've already completed this step because you don't know each other. Acquaintance- you notice each others presence, somehow you become knowledgeable of each others names and then have an intelligent conversation and are not yet friend but rather acquaintances. Next is Friends- you have chatted often and maybe even hung out a few times and find that the other is a decent person you could relate to, and call upon to go do something fun and when you need a friend more than anything else. Yes it is very possible to have friends of the opposite sex and there be nothing sexually intimate between you two. Neither one of you has too bee unacttractive or very attractive for this to work. Commited Partners- Otherwise known as Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Well... I'm sure I don't have to spell it out for you. However, in the interest making things clear, I will say this, the two of you are now in a commited relationship. That's it, committed. Sex is a luxury not a privaledge. You should be so fortunate that you have made it this far with each other. You are not yet united as one but rather you are a team as well as individuals with your own lives. Meaning they control their own lives and you control yours. Their business is their business and yours is yours. This is also a stage of which you are both more comfortable with each other and can relax. Don't get too comfortable with each other and forget to put the joint effort into making the relationship not only work but last. Think of it as a crank radio. You know, one of those radios that you have in a disaster kit that you have to crank a thousand times before it has enough power to last for a little while. That's a lot of cranking and turning.  Your muscles get tired and your ready to give up because its such hard work. But you remember that the emergency radio can make life so much better for you, and you have it because you appreciate what it has to offer, know that's what you have been looking for and its what you need. So you have to work to make it work. Now if you can maintain this behavior for at least two year's, then it is ok to start thinking about the possibilities of marriage. Engagement- You are now taking the next leap in preparation for the biggest leap you will ever take. You have the nice engagement rings, your introducing each other as your fiancée, and making wedding and honeymoon plans. It is the best time of your life, to date, so far. Your responsibilities are the same but they have enhanced and so has the importance for you to fulfill them. This is also the time to show your future life partner that you can handle being a part of this marriage, being united as one, and being responsible. You should take this time to seek marriage counseling. Preferably by your minister of whatever your religion is. This is not to be viewed as a bad thing but as an extra level of assistance with growing stronger and better understanding each other. With your counselor you should take the time to finish out the last chapter in your book of who you were and what you did before you met each other. Allow your counselor to help you explain your story to your partner so that they can understand you and you can become closer. This is necessary before your wedding day so that there are no surprises. Also keep in mind that whatever happened in the past is in the past. You want to be cautious because you can't just overlook everything but if you take your time and follow the formula then you will know enough about your partner to be able to determine whether or not its something to worry about or if its a deal breaker. Always remember people can change and everybody deserves a second chance.

The Truth B Told

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